Candela

Logos had stayed three hours in a sedan. He was exhausted enough to fall asleep but the tangerine coloured celestial hemisphere won't allow him. The sunlight transformed colours into warm versions of themselves.

“The sunrise, It's brilliant.”

Seiv who was seated next to him didn't see anything romantic in the sunlight. “you're easily impressed.” having bottled up vexation he saw the opportunity to explode. “Why did you make us leave with this obsolete vehicle? How did you get petrol? Why wasn't it sufficient to get us to Beulah?. He stared at the orange sky like it would feed him more questions to ask.

He was still gaping at the sunrise when he said: “It's brilliant.” again knowing it would irritate him more.

“you confuse me.”

“I long to go back to 2017”

“Why?”

“To live it again.” he said with his sweetest voice

“I know the 'Bi-eleven-hundred-one-ten' virus took everything away from us,” he paused. “But why 2017? you can just go back to last year and make sure the gene modifying app never gets to the public.”
“You cannot change destiny, somethings are just inescapable.”
“If that is your belief then why want to go back?”

He smiled with half of his face. “You don't get it. I want to relive one luminous, infinite moment. Just one thing can enliven that moment again.” he rubbed the dashboard with his left thumb. “If you asked for a list of things I'd want from the past I'd mention her over and over.”

“One girl.” he paused. “Logos?”

“Betty.”

“Was she your girlfriend?”

“She was,” He stroked his eyebrow, “The brightest girl I'd ever met. Fifteen years has gone by and I'm inclined to say likely ever to meet again.”

“where'd you meet her?”

“At the… at the university. In the first quarter of 2017, the roads of the city were energetic— cars would've been buzzing back and forth on this bridge. The buildings were lower. The president was a human. Technology was still in the process of robbing us of our focus and privacy. We weren't scared to use smartphones. Cars hadn't deprived birds of their freedom to fly. Love was luring the juvenile and affectionate and I was one of them.
I wanted to become a comic artist but I gave up on that dream. With the professor gesticulating ungracefully at the chalkboard. I planned to listen reckfully to philosopher and would've were it not for the radiant little lady I made eye contact with. Named Betty.”
“Is she still alive?"
“I heard she relocated to the moon."
“The virus won't get to them,” He hung his head low. “Its more difficult to access the internet, GPS...”
“Seiv,” He muttered as he scratched his nape. “You interrupted me.”
He continued: “she elegantly blinked her lovely jet black eyes. I stared back at her shapely features. Her eyes reminded me of something I was unable to recall. She raised a thin scanty eyebrow as her apathetic stare transmogrified into an icy look. She turned away as the professor came back into focus, leaving me confused.”

* * *

“Three hours later. I sat in chilly prefab restaurant, facing max who was performing a sleigh of hand with a playing card. He flicked it and its replaced by a different card.
“ 'I know how you do it.' I said, 'there are two cards in your hand, the second one is placed evendown to the card you initially showed me. You just have to quickly swipe them and they’ll exchange their positions'
“Max giggled. 'You’re wrong.' He released the card with a flick, making It rest on the table. 'See!'
“ 'Puh! I don’t even care.’ I gasped.
“ ' Logos, you say that all the time.'
“I was looking at His thick eyebrow as he conspicuously drew out two playing cards from the front pocket of his black oxford shirt. He was a short young man―I could easily see over his head. I noticed the little figure that emerged from the entrance. She squatted― something must’ve fallen. She stood up gracefully, unfolding her petite shape as she pushed out her arms, then her neck, her slender abdomen taking her small waist forward as she sauntered on.
“Max was already frowning. 'I don’t like this.'
“ 'What have I done wrong?'
“ 'You were staring, and staring is wrong'
“ 'She’s beautiful.'
“He raised his forehead.
“ 'Did puberty ever hit you?'
“He shrugged. "I don’t know, maybe I was too busy reading 1984 to notice."
“ 'Do you know her?' I peeked at her without turning my neck.
“ ' I know everybody, you should know that by now." He said, rubbing his thumb and index finger against each other.
“ ' who is she then?'
“ ' Ahem-mm!,' He cleared his throat, 'That’s a very deep question.'
“ 'I just need a name.'
“ ' Betty.'
“ ' Thank you.' I stood up to leave.
“ 'Wait, I heard she’s bitchy.'
“ 'Who told ya?'
“ ' Yunno I won’t tell you.' He paused. 'Plus she might actually be beautiful, I also heard she’s exceptionally creative with a black pen.'
“I was already walking away. 'See ya around, Max.'

* * *

“ 'All I need to do is find her instagram.' I soliloquized as I opened the door to my cavernous room. It smelt like coffee— max is around. A short black boy wearing a black long sleeve shirt with unbuttoned cuffs became visible on my bed as I flicked the light switch. I wasn't surprised.
“ 'Max, go away'
“He adjusted himself and lowered his back to lie down on the pillowless, skyblue-sheeted bed. 'make me!'
“I did not reply.”
“ 'I have her instagram, do you want it?'
“I noticed the half loaf of bread on the mahogany bed-side table, 'Did you eat my bread?'
“ 'You do want her instagram,' he giggled. 'Well, I followed her for you and she's followed back.' He stood up. 'Thank me later.' Patting my shoulder as he whispered: 'So long Logos!'
“I didn't say anything. I just watched him walk confidently towards the door. He shut it behind him like a gentleman. I was perplexed― max always slams the door, always.”
“Why do I feel like you're making this up?” Seiv asked.
“The sun is just behind that high-rise building, lets walk towards it.” Logos replied incoherently.
“You did not answer my question.”
He said nothing.
“Yunno that's impracticable, it'll shift further away.”
“That's how the future is...” he seized a can of Pepsi from Seiv's hold. “Its the light we chase forever and never catch up with...”
“They'll fix this, the world'll get better.”
“That's the problem. The future, it gives you hope, it says to you : 'come on, chase me!' and you go after it. people are dead, Seiv.” He paused. “The world never gets better only people do and for all we know we're the only ones alive.”
Seiv pointed at the flying cars that became silhouette of themselves as they drew closer to the sun. "See!"
“The virus prolly caught up with them in their vehicles, so they'll have to fly eternally.”
“But you cannot deny the fact that genetic engineering was profitable for mankind were it not for-”
“You see!,” He sipped Pepsi. “You're about to blame it on the wrong person. Reflect with me; when they introduced the GM app that is supposed to cure all diseases, it was compatible with almost every smartphone. This means that the smartphones they've been making for us were embedded with gene-guns and they never told us. The virus was-”
“Conspiracy theory, I don't want to hear it...” Seiv's voice was shaky. “you're not making sense anymore,” He scratched his beard. “so, did you ever speak to her?”
Logos went on: “So I ventured on a DM conversation with her, she seemed incredulously nice. She subtly denied looking at me in a cold manner― perhaps she doesn't remember. Satisfaction that would normally stem from my aloneness sizzled into nothingness― I didn't like my own company anymore. So I gyrated on the balls of my feet every morning. Always leaving my snug with the virtuous desire to see her.”
“One morning, I sat at the prefab restaurant, drinking coffee. The air smelt like mint and the place was lifeless. Ingressing was Betty with black hair tied to a bun, and skin like the colour of peanut butter. She wore a dark-blue bardot top and a black slim fitting skirt.She had a playing card in her right hand that metamorphosed into a credit card as she ambled on. Her phlegmatic, ferocious stare reminded me of an owl. I smiled at her, she mirrored me. The smile slowly flowed into her black beady eyes. You could tell she was smiling if the part of her face below her eyes were concealed. This wasn't the false, polite smile people are obligated to show― she smiled and her eyes expressed it.”
“I looked away. Atleast I was sure she knew who I was.”
“Did you love her?”
Logos who had been watching the silhouettes of cars hover beneath the sun voluntarily swiveled his head to look at Seiv.
Seiv shrugged. “I know Its rather too early to ask but I just want to know.”
“Love?” He paused, “No one has that thing wholly figured out.”
“Do you ever give a straight answer?”
“Yes, I mean no... I didn't love her. Twas a deep and delicate curiosity.”
“I'm liking your story,” Seiv opined. “Please, carry on.”
 
“I went to a bookstore to pick up a copy of Neil Gaiman's 'Anansi boys'. The copy I previously owned was missing, coverless, dog-eared, and had a faint reek of dog poop. I vigorously pulled out a copy from the blue metallic shelf- the books were tightly packed. A copy of 'American gods' came off with it. I replaced Anansi boys because I had decided to take American gods. It was was the first Gaiman novel I'd ever read. I had illegally downloaded it from a torrent site. I wanted to own a legitimate copy.”
“I approached the counter, stopping to see her standing there― just two steps away from me.
“Her golden cheeks flushed with warmth as she said; 'how are you?' Her voice was thin as paper, smooth as honey and cream.'
“I slowly raised my left hand till it was almost adjacent to my trunk, motioning her to place hers on my mine. she yielded. 'Do you remember me?' I said with all the calmness I could muster up.
“ 'Ah-yes, Logos. 'She squinted, 'right?'
“Her hand was soft. It stayed in mine for a while- maybe she forgot t'was still in mine. So I let go.”
“I don't really remember how the whole conversation played out but I remember her saying: 'I fancy your posts on instagram.' My heart melted. My posts were philosophical, how can any adolescent possibly like them. I said nothing.
“Noticing the taijitu (yin and yang symbol) necklace that graced her neck I said: 'I like your necklace.'
“ 'thank you'
“ 'It reminds me of an unfinished story...' She nodded as I spoke, 'I had abandoned. I think I called it symmetry.'
“ 'Hmmm!'
“ ' You like philosophy?, I'm asking becau-'
“ ' yeah, I like philosophy,' She interrupted. 'I like art too.'
“ 'Oh!,' Remembering what Max had told me I said: 'I heard you can evoke magic if you're given a black pen.'
“She laughed. It sounded as sweet as birdsong. 'Who told you that?'
“ 'that information is classified.'
“ 'please tell me!" I sensed euphoria in her voice.
“ 'I can't.'
“ 'pleeeease!'
“I avoided her gaze so as not to succumb to the 'girl charm'. 'I'm sorry I can't tell ya'.
“ 'Its not true,' she made a face like she saw disbelief in my countenance. 'I mean I'm not trying to sound modest but I don't think you'd be as impressed as you'd expect.'
“Her eyes made me feel nostalgic. I'd seen them somewhere, somewhere that was definitely not her face. 'I have to be somewhere now.'
“ 'Okayyy!' She said with her forehead raised.
“ 'see ya around.' I walked away. I knew how to end a conversation with a girl, leaving her wanting to talk to me again. I end it abruptly when the connection is strongest.”

* * *

“I had not replied Betty's text in weeks. If she inquires― I thought. I'd tell her I was busy. Busy in ways she might not understand. I was busy pacifying my pounding heart. I was busy quieting absurd thoughts. Busy trying to calm down. Busy performing a soliloquy― telling myself I'm okay. These were my busy and I hoped she would understand.”

* * *

“A week had passed since I spoke to her. The air was chilly and smelt like bread. I was leaving church when I got a DM from Max, informing me that he needed my hard drive. We stored packets we had phished from one of the university’s router. I dabbled in a lot of things and cyber exploitation was one of them. So I waited, sitting by the last pew. I sequentially examined the beautifully appointed hall for max― He told me he was coming. I found Betty instead. She stood with her back leaning on the pillar. She wore a tan coloured checkered shirt and a blue slim fitting pair of trousers. She now had long tawny hair tied to a ponytail. She was wearing a brown wedge that accentuated her height, making her look adorably small.”
“I approached her. she did not see me. Her friends were having a lively conversation she didn’t indulge in. She seemed absorbed in something else. I walked past her, turned, advanced nigh and when I was close enough I touched her nape. She turned gracefully as I noticed the brown pair of glasses with a strong browline that held its own against her golden cheekbone.
“ 'How are you doing?'
“ 'I’m fine.' she answered unblinkingly.
“I said nothing. Her glass amplified the light in her eyes. Now, I was able to place what they reminded me of.”
“When I was younger and more gullible. I awoke from sleep one night to see a black bead in the darkness It had a paucity of intermittent glow. Out of bed I climbed, crawling towards it in attempt to reach it. It left me befuddled, I knew my room wasn’t large enough to permit the distance I had crawled. Nonetheless, I crawled on and kept stretching but my effort didn’t increase proximity. I never caught it. The next thing I remembered was waking up next to the wall and there was no bead anywhere. That bead came back to haunt me. This time it brought a twin. They were before me in her eyes, one in each.”
“ 'Whats that?' She asked pointing at my right hand.
“I raised my hand. 'A hard drive.'
“She nodded. Her gaze was strong. Her eyes made me want reach for her face. Atleast touch her face. Since I could not grasp any of the beads―They were her eyes.”
“I looked over her head. Max was egressing the church. I followed. 'I’m coming back.'
“ 'Alright.' She said.
“I got out of the church. And Max was nowhere to be seen.

* * *

“I returned to her. She was laughing with her friends. 'Were they laughing at me?' I inquired out of insecurity.
“ 'Nooo.'
“I stared at her.”
“She stared back.”
“I was lost in her eyes. I liked her. I wanted to tell her but fear did not let me, besides I would look desperate. That's how society would label me. She might even see things that way too. I admired her delicately chiseled nose, looking over her head I could easily see Max standing at the entrance. I walked up to him, Throwing the hard drive at him as I turned swiftly before he could say anything. I got back to the pillar but she wasn't there. I was two tiles away from the pillar and she was supposed to be standing three tiles from the pillar. And to know that she wasn't here, standing before me was a most hurtful thing. I felt dumb, realizing that I didn't tell her to wait.”
“I was leaving the church. Max was waiting at the entrance. He was wearing a smirk, a black overcoat that made him look sinister, and a pair of brown derby boot that seemed disgusting to me. I had planned to walk past him.
“ 'You failed.' Max said as he placed his hands on my shoulders.
“ 'Don't touch me.' I wriggled off his hands.
“He put his hands on my shoulders again. 'You failed, my dear.' He sounded gentle as a mother. 'She'll never talk to you again.'
“I said nothing.”
“ 'She's too sensitive plus you walked out on her two times.'
“ 'Were you watching?'
“ 'I'm always watching,' He shook his head. 'you looked nervous, desperate and...'
“ 'Do not tell me that! I wasn't desperate.' I yelled.
“ 'Try putting yourself in her shoes.' He paused. 'Wouldn't you be repelled?'
“ 'You vanished the first time. Where did you go?' I asked.
“ 'You scared her.' He answered incoherently. 'Look, she's there,' He pointed. 'Hiding behind the pillar.'
“I didn't turn to look. I just walked... away from him... away from her.”

* * *

“Why did she hide?” Seiv asked.
“Did she hide?”
“But you just said Max---”
“Yeah she was behind the pillar but we cannot conclude and say she was hiding. She probably went behind the pillar to brood over something and maybe she was so engrossed in it she was unable to check to see if I returned.”
“Did you meet her again?”
"She didn’t want to be seen… I guess.”
“I feel she hid because she was sensitive. Maybe she was overwhelmed then and didn’t know how to handle It... so she blamed you not knowing that it wasn’t entirely your fault― she was probably too beautiful, too bright for you. It is difficult for her to be a bright light in your dim world.”
Logos had on him the look that kids have when they don’t know how to go about their homework. “What are you saying?”
“I met you a few times then. You were sad. You always wrote dark stories. I can recall deleting that symmetry story when you told me to read it. T’was incomprehensible. This girl was going to give you life, she was light and---”
“I wasn’t sad, I just loved my aloneness,” Logos interrupted. "Sometimes I imagine myself standing two tiles away from the pillar. Before the light, trying to take hold of it. And I would fail not knowing it’s already behind me. Its like water that flows out of a faucet. Ostensibly solid yet you can’t hold it... The light cannot be grasped, Seiv. It can’t...”
“You see,” Logos went on. “the future is bright. It is the light we eternally yearn to reach. So we chase it, going a long way and our dream would seem so nigh and graspable. Yet, we would fail to grasp it because it’s either already behind us...
“Or it is still further away. Hopefully, we will advance, after that single candela of luminous intensity. Bright enough for us to see it. Nevertheless dim thus its distance is oblivious to us. As a consequence, we proceed onward unendingly.”
“Betty is my future, Incredulously suspended in my past.
“I long to experience the past. Always before the future, always before her.
“I miss her dreadfully.”